I won’t say there’s nothing worse than when you’re really hungry, have nothing to eat in the house, and really don’t want to go out. But that does suck. That was the situation today, where we were so bereft of the staples of civilized living (by which I mean bread, milk, cereal, and emergency boxed macaroni and cheese) that I was forced to bust open the box of McCann’s Irish Oatmeal I’d bought…I’m going to say several months ago. We didn’t even have brown sugar, but I was willing to make do with syrup.
So, this brand is unknown to me, true. But there was a period where my breakfast EVERY DAY was a bowl of oatmeal with peanut butter and sugar-free syrup, and a Red Delicious apple, so I’m no stranger to the mysteries of making microwave oatmeal. But right from the start, this brand was way too complicated. Still, I was hungry, so I prepared a double helping, which promptly boiled all over out of our standard cereal bowl. Fine, not a double batch. I tried again with a single serving, and that boiled over. What the fuck, Ireland? Why you gotta break my balls?
At the end of my second attempt, I was left with half the amount of oatmeal I had intended. And it cooked up like gruel. But I was still going to eat it until Dave said that I was depressing him and he was going to go out and get me something to eat, because he’s the best husband ever. I made a short list, and while he was gone stripped the bed and called the cleaners and answered some email and kind of got distracted by various other pursuits, until about an hour after he got back, Dave asked which of the things I’d asked for — bread, milk, cereal, and an emergency boxed macaroni and cheese — I’d ended up eating. I’m sure my face fell because he immediately realized what had happened. “You didn’t eat anything,” he accused. “I forgot! I really forgot!” I protested, covering my face in horror at the way I’d dishonoured his sacrifice of going outside so I didn’t have to. Coming, as it did, on the heels of his having gone out to get a snack for me on Saturday night that I also didn’t eat (I thought he wanted something and was just being an enabler! At least, that’s how it went in my head), he was completely justified in saying, “I don’t think you actually want anything to eat. I think you just like sending me out for things. You could have just sent me for stamps — it would have been lighter.”
He hasn’t murdered me yet, but I’m pretty sure he’s thinking about it.
Happy Valentine’s Day, Dave. I won’t ask for anything else for at least the rest of the day.
Oh, and I threw out the rest of that beshitted oatmeal. See you in hell, McCann’s.
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Hee hee hee. I’m glad I’m not the only one who gets spiteful with jerky food.
Wow, this is like a modern version of Gift of the Magi. Or is it Who’s Afraid of Virginia Wolff? Still, would make a better MOW than anything on Lifetime.
That’s the McCann’s steel-cut oatmeal. The regular doesn’t boil over like that, but the steel-cut? If you’re going to make it in the microwave, you need to use a freaking mixing bowl if you’re going to prevent the boiling over.
It works much better to make it on the stovetop. It still boils up a lot, but you can keep it at bay by stirring it.
It’s like the Gift of the Magi except for the part where Dave is getting nothing but annoyed.
What the fuck, Ireland? Why you gotta break my balls?
I think the same thing when I have to walk to work in the lashing rain after failing to get on yet another overcrowded tram.
in total non related news , I’m in love with Ryan from big brother till death do us part. don’t not support me.
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