Glarkware’s Back! In Pog Form!

Not actually in pog form, but with seven (7!) new designs. First, get to know the ones that are only here for a limited time.

“Office Manager” Back in the day, the office manager was the undisputed queen of all the secretaries, assigning the cutest girls to work for the most powerful executives, showing off her perfectly hoisted bosom in her perfectly tailored outfits, purring passive-aggressively at her foes, possibly sleeping with the boss, and generally running the floor with an iron fist in a velvet glove (literally, in the winter months). It was a sexier, more refined time; you could tell from all the cigarettes.

“McPoyle Family Reunion” Ah, those summer long weekends. Perfect for sleeping in, lazing about the house in your robe, and heading out for a little togetherness at the family reunion. In fact, who’s to say you even need to change out of your robe?

“Stealer Of Money From The Church Collection Plate” Perhaps the best way to distract attention from your actual transgressions is to claim one you probably didn’t even do, and identify yourself as the Stealer Of Money From The Church Collection Plate. (You…didn’t do that, right? Because people can tell — the money always smells like church.)

“Sparkles Mall Tour” There’s an impression abroad in the world that the U.S. leads the world in shopping mall domination. But can Glarkware make a point, please? Can we talk about the spectacular malls that Canada has to offer?

And then, the three new additions to the permanent collection:

“It Takes A Pillage” Today’s parents put out a spread of cassoulet and filtered water; for Vikings, it was a whole roasted goat, washed down with mead — but they ate it as a family.

“Jack The Rabbit” Elephants could be as forgetful as your grandma. Mules might not be stubborn, but easygoing. Maybe if the Lord knew what assholes lambs actually are, he’d have chosen to describe his only begotten son as the “ocelot of God.”

“On Ze Way” When an American Presidential campaign can drag on for nearly two years, and the average voter is expected to follow along and care for that entire time, well, it’s almost enough to make you wish for a good, old-fashioned coup.

They are ready for purchase…now. Go get you some!