Last night, Will and I saw Tooth Fairy, and it was not the worst thing ever. Seriously, if you have kids and they want to go, you could take them. I’ve definitely seen more terrible children’s fare than that. The Rock is his usual charming self, and Stephen Merchant manages to sneak in a lot of funny. In fact, just seeing those crazy skinny beanpole legs in what amount to long johns with a fly is funny itself.

But listen. Once again, fucking Avatar won the box office last week (also surpassing Titanic as top grosser ever), plus only two new movies were opening wide, so it’s back. But I really want to see When In Rome, you guys! Please go vote for Will Arnett, Kristen Bell, and LOVE.

We said we were changing format in the new year, and we meant it. Now you can vote on which movie Will and I see, and subsequently recap. Will has stated his preference. I do not share his views.

Fine, I’ll quit being cute: I don’t want to see Avatar. I’m on my honour not to stuff the ballot box in favour of one of the two others, but I can implore you guys to help me out. I hear you can vote as often as you want. Find out!

If you watched MTV in the ’90s, you saw Dave Holmes hosting various shows and events and suchlike. But since then, he has continued getting more and more awesome. Holmes has one of the most consistently entertaining feeds on all of Twitter — the likes of which should be the envy of every celebrity who uses the service (as my esteemed former colleague Linda Holmes (no relation) observed a few months ag0). He’s a frequent (brilliant) guest on Never Not Funny. He’s an engaging blogger. And he’s a philanthropist! As if just running the New York Marathon didn’t make him enough of a hero (it does), Holmes wrote today that he’s raising money for The Aubrey Fund for Pediatric Cancer Research at the Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center.

Why should you support Holmes, other than the obvious reasons (such as, you like children, and hate cancer)? I’ll let him tell you. But…you could end up with a song written about you, which is cool.

I am a staunch supporter of Videogum‘s Campaign Against Fake Rap, so you can trust me when I tell you this (via Alex Blaggazine) is actually really awesome. Don’t watch it unless you’ve seen all five seasons of The Wire, though. And if you haven’t seen all five seasons of The Wire, you can’t read my site anymore. Sorry, I know that seems harsh, but it’s for your own good.

Do you like judging people? I do. It’s one reason I DVRed the latest episode of 20/20 based on a teaser for this segment, which if you haven’t already seen it you must watch immediately. (The other reason I DVRed it is that one of my other usual Friday Night JudgmentFest standbys — Supernanny — was a rerun. Thank God for What Not To Wear.)

So the segment — in case you think you’re too busy to follow a link — is about women who buy super-realistic baby dolls and treat them like real babies: they buy them new baby clothes, they take them out to the park, they set up nurseries for them, they HAVE BIRTHDAY PARTIES FOR THEM with THEIR ACTUAL HUMAN GRANDCHILDREN AS GUESTS. One woman in the segment likes to fool strangers into thinking whatever doll she has out that day — because SHE HAS MORE THAN ONE — is a real child, and fully admits that when she’s out with one of her dolls and no one comments on it, she feels let down. Surprise! She’s a childless forty-nine-year-old. Another surprise! Her husband declined to appear in the segment. Really, the situation here is that (a) people have more money than sense, and (b) they need therapy and aren’t getting it from the producers of 20/20.

Obviously, the segment is fucking amazing. Check it out.

Normally, I try not to cheat on Dave with anyone else’s graphic t-shirts, but with Glarkware about to go on a brief hiatus (back in February, y’all!), I think I can make an exception for Barack Obama on a unicorn.

As the Prop 8/marriage equality fight rages on here in America (latest national events here, and New York State-specific info here), the latest publicity effort…totally made me cry so much today that I had to turn it off because it’s inappropriate to make such a mess of oneself at one’s workplace. But you should still check out the Courage Campaign’s Flickr slideshow of families affected by the Prop 8 passage in California. Won’t the homophobes PLEASE think of the children?!

After this press conference, is Hillary planning to walk up the mountain with a picnic basket for her Grandpapa?

Vote!

Olivia just heard McCain might still win the Presidency.